Why is it so easy to acquire bad habits and so difficult to cultivate good ones?
“The truth is that bad habits are easier to develop,” says Adam Borland, a psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio. “They can become more entrenched because we’re kind of on autopilot.”
For example, finding the motivation to exercise or stick to a daily or weekly schedule is harder than sitting on the couch and watching Netflix , Borland explains.
But the start of a new year is a great time to try something new, to push our boundaries, to overcome the tendency to act against our own best interests without giving it much thought. But building those good habits — and breaking the bad ones — is even harder in the modern age, which often keeps us glued to digital devices.
“The modern world overstimulates the brain, and the natural systems we use to form habits have been virtually overridden,” observes Russell A. Poldrack, a professor of psychology at Stanford University in California and author of Hard to Break: Why Our Brains Make Habits Stick.
Therefore, forming a habit that we want to maintain for our own good may take some time.
Many digital apps designed to help you form habits suggest that you can achieve this in about three weeks. However, modern research does not support that estimate in the slightest.
Poldrack refers to a study published in the scientific journal European Journal of Social Psychology, according to which the time needed to create a habit varies between 18 and 254 days, with an average of 66 days.
Kicking a bad habit doesn’t necessarily depend on willpower, Poldrack adds: “You actually need to start by avoiding the temptation.”
Small steps and big changes applies in breaking bad habits
In his bestselling book Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones, entrepreneur James Clear tells us to imagine an ice cube in a room so cold you can see your breath. Then the room slowly starts to warm up, from 26°F to 27°F to 28°F. The ice cube stays frozen. The temperature rises to 29°F, 30°F, 31°F. Still nothing happens. But as it hits 32°F, the ice cube starts to melt.
A change of a single degree changes everything.
Similarly, Clear writes, we can gradually bring about great changes in life: “Habits are the compound interest of self-improvement. Just as money multiplies with compound interest, the effects of habits multiply as you repeat them.”
There are numerous tips for forming—and maintaining—a new habit.
BJ Fogg, a behavioral scientist at Stanford University and author of Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything, recommends adding a new habit to an existing one. The established “base habit” should be something you do every day, like brushing your teeth or turning on the computer. Fogg himself added a new habit (doing pushups) to a base habit (going to the bathroom) and now does at least fifty pushups a day.
Jud Brewer, a psychiatrist and director of research and innovation at Brown University’s Mindfulness Center, advises getting curious about why you do something you might prefer not to do. Being curious is far better than suffering through the ruminations that come with giving in to a bad habit, according to Brewer, author of The Craving Mind: From Cigarettes to Smartphones to Love — Why We Get Hooked and How We Can Break Bad Habits.
On the other hand, several studies show that “compliance intentions”—a term researchers use to describe a response plan to a given situation—are effective in achieving a goal.
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Draw up a strategic plan for breaking bad habits
Ready to fix what’s not working? Try these eight strategies to replace a bad habit with a good one.
1. Prepare to feel discomfort if you want to break bad habits
You must accept that quitting a bad habit is not a quick process. Getting out of your comfort zone is challenging and anxiety-provoking , so be patient.
“Tell yourself that you’re going to go through it knowing that it’s not easy,” Borland says, “but that’s where change happens.”
2. Be compassionate with yourself in your journey to breaking bad habits
In addition to being patient, you must be considerate of yourself.
For most of her life, Denise Longtin struggled with punctuality. The 58-year-old from Skaneateles, New York, often coped with the dilemma by thinking negative thoughts about herself — her bad habit — and even invented a nickname for herself: Late Lou.
“I would say out loud what I didn’t want to happen, and my brain would say, ‘Okay, perfect, let’s do it,’” she says. “I had to start realizing that words have power.”
Longtin began researching brain activity and discovered that the brain often fails to distinguish between reality and fiction. This is how he began to rethink his tardiness.
“Instead of saying, ‘Oh, I’m sorry I’m late. I’m always late,’ I now apologize and say, ‘I’m trying hard to be more punctual,’” she explains.
Her new attitude helped her to be punctual more often. “At first I didn’t think it would work, but over time I got better. I don’t torment myself anymore. I feel like I have much more control over my mental state.”
Keep in mind that stumbling is inevitable—it took Longtin at least six months to see sustained improvement—but that doesn’t constitute failure.
“Setbacks don’t negate the progress you’ve made,” Borland said. “And it doesn’t mean you have to start over from scratch. It means you’re human. They’re just a bump in the road.”
3. Stop saying “should”
Part of the anxiety that comes with acquiring a new habit centers around the word “should.”
“We’re just getting into trouble that way, especially if we compare ourselves negatively to others,” Borland says. “So instead of saying, ‘I should be able to exercise five days a week,’ start by exercising one day a week and congratulate yourself. That’s an accomplishment. Then try to improve from there.”
4. Make a list
Borland recommends using the two-column method. On the left side, write down the bad habits you’d like to break; and on the right side, write down possible methods and tools you can use to make them happen. Be specific and creative, and make sure each step is small and doable. Researchers agree that good habits are built by taking small steps over time.
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5. Be grateful
Don’t ignore those small wins, and consider rewarding yourself every now and then with something that doesn’t compromise your progress. One of Borland’s clients treated herself to a pedicure after making healthier eating choices during the week.
Longtin suggests feeling grateful for the moments of clarity that motivate us to eradicate a bad habit.
“This clarity is like the warning light on the car,” he explains. “It is a great advantage, because it tells you at what point you need to intervene.”
6. Be consistent
To remind yourself to stick with it, use visual aids, such as sticky notes on a mirror. When Poldrack started using a night guard to stop himself from grinding his teeth in the sleep, he put it next to his toothbrush so he wouldn’t forget to put it in.
“It probably took me a couple of months to put it on without thinking about it,” he says. “Now it’s been several years and I don’t even think about it. Even if my wife moves it, I remember and go get it.”
7. Seek support
Share your plan for better habits with your loved ones and ask them if they would like to join in.
“People are often surprised by the support they receive, and in some cases they may also be offering support to the other person” by becoming accountable partners, Borland says.
8. Change your attitude
Longtin believes that abandoning bad habits is not as important as starting to adopt good ones.
“When you add good things,” he says, “the bad things seem to take care of themselves.”
